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Author Topic: Family troubles  (Read 418 times)

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Offline Claire85

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Family troubles
« on: July 20, 2017, 06:28:27 PM »
I wasn't going to write this, and I have been ranting on my Twitter for like a week and a half about this, but I need to vent.

So recently, my 80+ year old grandma had to move out of her house into an assisted living facility.
My dad's brother and sister had to move her in without my dad, because we were on vacation.

My grandma, being the old "victim" she claims she is, had a fuss and needed her own private room, which costed $1k more.
Which she wouldn't be able to afford after a few years.

About 13 years ago, my grandfather passed away and basically all the responsibilities falling on my dad.
He's the oldest and an accountant.
Fast forward to today, his siblings and their spouses are seeing dollar bills and basically saying my dad stole money from my grandma.

Keep in mind, they haven't given a flip about caring for my grandma for the past decade.
For the past decade, my dad has been going to her house every single weekend. I and my brothers would go over with
him to spend time with her.
My dad also can't drive anymore, cause of an eye problem, so my brother and I have been driving him for the past 3 years.
But now they all of a sudden give a flip.

My dad's brother in law is this scummy asshole, but my uncle believes him. They are basically working against my dad to screw him over.
"But it's for grandma!". Bull. I couldn't tell you the last time my cousins even SPOKE to my grandma, let alone saw her.
"But if I have to choose between my brother and my mom, I have to choose my mom!" Newsflash, you don't have to fliping choose.
If you do choose, you choose my dad.. Which is basically choosing my grandma for her fliping well being. Another Newsflash, you aren't choosing either. You are choosing a known scum of your brother in law over your flesh and blood.

He had the nerve to tell me that my brothers and I wouldn't have seen grandma, if it weren't for us having to drive my dad.
Which is obvious bullflip since we used to go out with my dad all the fliping time. WILLINGLY.
Can you say the same about your fliping children? No. Don't start with me.

They have also started stealing and hiding evidence from my dad.
They originally claimed that he wasn't doing his fiduciary duty, but now they claim he's not allowed to see the evidence THAT HE WROTE.

And my grandma, who's not a good person at all, is basically being brainwashed by her children. It's like she somehow forgot who has been taking care of her for the past decade. (My family)

My dad did take some money, even though it was willingly given to him by my grandma. So he has already come to terms with having to pay something to make it right.
But these assholes keep adding more money that he has to pay..

My mom's brother is a lawyer, from one of the best firms in the state, so he gave us an attorney.
So now I finally talked him into involving the lawyer before he writes any kind of check. So we're looking at a lawsuit.

I am just so fliping done with this side of the family. Hope they are happy with whatever money they get and my grandma complaining. They are going to regret driving my dad out of the equation.

Hope my grandma is ready to be without the only family who actually gave a flip about her.
Cause after all of this is done, she can kiss her grandchildren (the only ones who actually see her) goodbye. I will never see or speak to any of these people again.

So now I am fliping scared and having an anxiety attack.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 06:33:20 PM by Claire85 »

Offline Melissa

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2017, 06:36:00 PM »
While cutting off family sucks, it seems that that's the best thing for you to do at this point. I made a similar conclusion about my mom's sisters recently. Nothing this extreme (not legal things involved) but they've never treated me well and I reached my breaking point a couple of weeks ago and I've decided to no longer give them the power to hurt me.

*hugs*

Offline alkevin

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2017, 08:19:20 AM »
Dear Claire85, something similar hapened to my momīs side of the family: my grandparents have 3 "children", my mom( the oldest), my godfather and my aunt. My mom always did everything, but in her back my aunt would "cry" and ask for money. She didnīt do a thing to help out. When my grandfather died, she went to his home and Messed  it up  looking for money and things to sell. To some people it is greed that moves them. And my grandfather also gave money to my cousins and they never visited them.

Offline neon_jellyfish

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 08:31:01 AM »
Claire, I'm very sorry you have to go through this situation, but I think you and your family are handling it the best way you can. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2017, 06:44:51 AM »
Update: My dad decided not to get the attourney involved..

He wants to just hope that the scums will lower whatever amount so he can just pay and get our lives moved on.
I think its a mistake not to involve one.

The scums forget that its Innocent until proven Guilty, not the other way around.

My dad says we'll be fine, but I'm really scared.

Offline neon_jellyfish

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2017, 09:03:52 AM »
Oh my, I hope everything will settle peacefully soon!

Offline brightberry

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2017, 02:35:09 PM »
Stupid family issues and their money hoarding ways! I'm sure your grandma, being 80 was easily swayed by the sudden attention by family that they thought forgot them.  Grandparents tend to get that way in their elder years.  Finally, the kids they missed so much love them again.  Prodigal children are the worst when they use that power for evil.   I've seen it happen over and over again.  One child does all the caregiving, and the children that left get all the attention.  And it's so horrible. 

I hope that he does involve the attorney at least for consultation.  Something that says "This is what I owe, here is the money, and by signing for the money you agree that the debt is paid."  Because, honestly, they can claim it wasn't enough or that nothing was paid.  Or, claim that by paying the money, he agrees he owes money in an unspecified amount.  So they'll keep it up.  This could go on for 10 years or more.  :(


Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2017, 03:10:34 PM »
Thanks everyone. It really means a lot to me.

Kind of an update: I and my mother talked him into calling the attorney. I just think he's going to regret not involving one and we don't know what could happen a year from now. Especially if my grandma's health/money situation gets worse. 

At least with an attorney, we can officially end everything. It also won't allow these scum to get away with doing some shady stuff to my dad. They can't lord it over my dad and guilt trip him anymore.

My dad is mainly just worried about staying in the will at this point..

Yesterday I was just crying in my car before work.. Just thinking about how my grandpa would be livid if he were still alive.

I've also been talking to MY brothers more and telling them that we will never be like my dad and his siblings. My dad has never been close to his siblings. The most he really ever did, was with his brother and going out to eat every now and then.
But he was always the one to try and fix things, and they never tried to change or put in any effort.

I also unfriended that whole side of the family on Facebook, I don't want the constant reminder of how they or their parents screwed us over. I may not be able to choose my blood, but I can choose whether they are my family or not.

A little silver lining; Hopefully the amount of stress on my dad will lessen substantially after this. 13+ years of dealing with my grandma and his siblings can be ended. He can focus on his own problems instead.

Offline neon_jellyfish

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2017, 12:30:29 PM »
Keeping my fingers crossed!

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2017, 12:41:50 PM »
Update: So we have come to the conclusion that we are basically taking things to court now.
My uncle on my mom's side is supplying us with one of the best Lawyers in the state. Like he handled this huge case and won.

Also, as a mood lifter. The scumcles literally are getting an 80 year old lawyer that they got from "Lawyers.com".  XD :haha:
I just about started crying.  Not even joking.

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2017, 05:05:55 PM »
Another Update:

My parents met with my mom's brother (the lawyer) and their attorney who is helping us out.
Basically my dad will have to pay something. Which is fine and we knew that.

But the attorney thinks we're fine and the worst thing that will probably happen, is us not being on the will.
Again, totally fine.

My dad alone makes more money than his siblings, probably combined. Plus my mom has two jobs that helps as well.
My grandma is also probably going to get rid of most of funds due to her, basically $5k+ private room, if she lives long.

So, hopefully this is over with soon and we can go on with our lives and never see/speak to these cretins again.

Offline brightberry

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2017, 04:41:04 PM »
Hooray!  That's good news.

Offline Lhianneth

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2017, 06:33:32 PM »
A similar situation happened in my family when my grandparents were unwell. I, like you, cut the majority of the family out of my life because it just wasn't worth the stress of dealing with dishonest, greedy people who treated their own parents that badly.

I hope that after the current situation resolves, everything turns out okay for you and your immediate relatives. I'm sure your dad is probably hurt the most by this sort of betrayal. :(

Also: in terms of avoiding this situation for yourself and your brothers, you should talk to your parents. My mother passed away a couple of years ago, and just after that happened, my dad decided to re-write his will, and to include a living will, because when Mom died, none of us really knew what she wanted done. She stuck around a few months to say "give ___ to ___", but that was about it. The house is still full of her things even now, because Dad just doesn't know whether he should donate it, keep it, or give it to her friends.

It's not an easy subject to bring up, but if you talk it over before it's even remotely a possibility, it'll put everyone's minds at ease. A lot of the time, these situations arise not out of malice, but out of grief and confusion. My partner's family had a similar thing happen with his grandmother (we were here carers for over a year), in that perfectly normal, perfectly sane relatives went a bit berserk at the end because they didn't know how to cope with losing her so suddenly. That doesn't sound like it's the case here, but talking with your folks and having measures in place beforehand will help prevent anything even close to that situation from recurring between you and your siblings.
 

Offline beautiful_monster

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2017, 05:48:59 AM »
I'm very sorry to hear about all of this trouble. What a shame it is when people put money over family.

I wonder how your grandmother would fare if, after you win the lawsuit, your father stopped caring for her and left her welfare to the other side of the family. That seems like an appropriate solution, to me.

Anyway, best of luck.

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2017, 06:53:11 PM »
Ugh.. Another update.

We were doing fine, literally no kind of interaction with that side for the past few months.

My dad's brother JUST texted my dad (he has not and will not reply). He basically is saying:
1. That the lawyers are taking too long (too freaking bad)
2. That my grandma's health is declining and she will need 24/7 care (Uhh she's already in a home with 24/7 care?)
3. Guilting both my dad and us grandchildren saying that "we don't care about her", "she's heartbroken that her eldest son and her grandchildren aren't in touch with her". (Again too freaking bad. Poor baby)
4. She's "running out of money"; which is literally ALL THAT SIDE CARES ABOUT. Plus she wouldn't be "running out of money" if they kept her in the original room that cost $2k less.
5. Constantly using "If you care about your mom". Like? We DID care about grandma. That's what this whole drama is mainly about because you and the other scumcle think we didn't and that my dad was stealing from her.
We could not care less about grandma anymore. She's is legit your problem now. That was the point of involving lawyers and not having any contact with you.

Again. That side proves to be moronic scum. I'm so over this..

So yeah. Either they are lying about my grandma's declining health; which may or may not be true. Don't really care to be honest.
OR they aren't taking good care of her and only care about the money they think she will be using, but probably won't, and will go directly into their bank accounts.
OR they actually want my dad back into the picture, but literally only to pay them money, humiliate himself, and take care of all the issues that will be brought up when my grandma passes.

So.. As you can tell, I don't think they really give a crap about her.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2017, 07:32:39 PM by Claire85 »

Offline Melissa

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #15 on: October 14, 2017, 06:27:39 AM »
Lying about health scares is a pretty common move to try and get family members “back in line,” and your father is 100% right to ignore all of it because otherwise he’s teaching them that the right lie will get a reaction.

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #16 on: February 07, 2018, 09:43:41 AM »
I guess last update. This is probably going to sound super harsh at the end. But I'm so numb and over it.
I've had such a crappy week.. this is like crusty icing on a stale cake.

2/6 at 10:30 PM: My uncle texts my dad, on a phone he doesn’t really use anymore (he doesn’t want his family to have access to his new phone), that “Mom isn’t doing well. Don’t think she has long left to live. Will let you know”.

2/7 at 12:15 PM: My uncle texts again. “Mom just passed away. We will be doing funeral arrangements. Will let you know”.

They didn’t even bother calling my dad at work to try and actually get a hold of him. Seriously? Won’t even give him the decency of a CALL.

He has to find out from his daughter, who by chance, randomly checked the old phone. This is so dumb.
I’m like not even sad she’s gone because she’s awful and due to this whole situation.

I’m sad for my dad to not get any basic respect and to find out in such a crappy way.

I don’t think I will go to whatever funeral they plan. Cremate the witch (sorry that's offensive to witches) for all I care. She doesn’t deserve to lie next to my grandpa for all of eternity.

Offline Claire85

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #17 on: May 18, 2018, 02:22:55 PM »
The last and FINAL update.

My weekend just got so much better.
We are OFFICIALLY done with the scummy relatives.
My parents had mediation today to settle it. They started at us paying $100,000, at the end of it, all we have to pay $28k which is less than what we were offering them months ago AND it basically all goes to their attorney.
ALSO we never have to talk/see them ever again. Voldemorts are dead.

They also pissed off the mediator apparently, so yeah. Obviously they are smart.

I'm so happy and relieved.

Offline nassib

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #18 on: August 08, 2018, 03:04:24 AM »
I'm glad that the latest outcome turned out okaish enough.
-Hugs-
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Offline piinkypiie

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Re: Family troubles
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2018, 04:25:30 AM »
i am glad everything turned out well for you and your family in the end. Greed can really change people :/
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